Don't Give Up On Me
by Mettespo
Summary: Will encounters a situation he doesn't like.
1. Don't Give Up On Me

Finally my entry for lilacmermaid's April (!) challenge - 3 Things (to be named at the end).

I am so sorry that it took me so long, but aside from time issues I really had a dry spell. I have been working on this since about mid-April - a sentence here, a paragraph there - but only since about last week it was finally starting to get easier again. But I don't want to bore you with the details, I just hope you enjoy the story!

lilac, this is for you, 'cause I made you wait for so long, thanks for your patience!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 **Don't give up on me**

„You are an idiot wrapped in a moron!"  
Mac stormed out of Will's office with the eyes of her staff following her on the way to her own, only to turn back when Will appeared in his doorframe.

„What are you all looking at? Don't you have any work to do?" He forcefully closed the door behind him that Mac had left open, and for a moment silence filled the room, before the young crew began to quietly talk amongst each other. They had gotten used to their bosses fighting about almost everything, but normally they didn't take it out on them.

Charlie was standing close to the door of the bullpen, talking to Sloan and Don, and threw a surprised look at them. „What was that all about? Do you have any idea?"

„I wish, but they've been fighting like cats and dogs for days already. Do you think it could have something to do with the string of bimbos that Will has been parading around the Newsroom?"

Don rolled his eyes. „Of course that's the reason. Ever since he started doing that every little disagreement erupts into a huge argument, you must have noticed that, Sloan. The other day they even fought about each others lunch orders!

Charlie looked like he wanted to start one of his swearing tirades, but then he discarded his inital reaction to not make the situation more uncomfortable for the young staffers and only nodded at the economist, taking a deep breath. „You talk to Mac, I'll talk to the idiot slash moron."

Sloan looked uncomfortable. „Really? I mean, I'm not that good at this sort of thing."

„Well, you are her friend, aren't you? That's probably what she needs right now."

After thinking about this for a moment she nodded. „Right. So I should... go... then..."

She walked towards Mac's office, gathering her courage before knocking. When she didn't get a reaction she cautiously opened the door and peeked through the crack. „Do you have a moment for me?"

„No, you can't have an extra three minutes" Mac's voice sounded testy and impatient, and she didn't look up from the papers in front of her.

„Woah, I haven't even asked yet!"

„I'm sorry..." With a sigh Mac leaned back in her chair and took off her glasses to rub her eyes. „What do you want then?"

„I _want_ five extra minutes, but I _came_ here to see if you are alright?" Sloan pushed herself into the room and sat down in front of Mac's desk. „That was quite a scene out there..."

„Yeah, well... Sorry about that..."

„Nothing to be sorry about, he _is_ a moron. I am still waiting to see this heart the size of a Range Rover you were talking about."

„It's..." Mac sighed again. „It's just his way of showing that he hasn't forgiven me, it's okay."

„The fuck it is." Sloan's face grew hard. „He's parading these women through here to hurt you and take revenge; even I can see that. Have you seen how old they are? What are you going to do about it?"

„What do you want me do to? I can't tell him to stop; I have neither the right nor would he listen to me." Even while saying it Mac knew that even if she could, she would never do it. She couldn't let Will see how much it hurt her, and as she had just said herself, she had no right to interfere in his private life. No right at all.

Sloan took a moment to appraise her, before she spoke slowly. „Why don't you give him a taste of his own medicine? Why don't you start dating, preferably a Calvin Klein model in his twenties, and have him meet you here?"

„You know I'd never do that."

„Yeah, but why? He deserves it with all the shit he's pulling on you."

„Sloan..." With her email mishap still too fresh in her mind Mac was not about to go into any details, so she only gave Sloan a weak smile. „It's complicated, let's just leave it at that. But... thanks for caring."

The younger woman looked worried, but finally nodded. „Anytime. You know we are all on your side, right? So if you want us to kick him in the ass... Or maybe a little hazing?"

Mac laughed at her almost hopeful voice. „No, thank you, but I appreciate the sentiment. And now get back to work."

„Three more minutes?"

„Out!"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

April turned into May, and May turned into June with Will continuously having his dates meet him in the newsroom, not every day but on a regular basis. It wasn't always a different women, some showed up a couple times, one even three times, but never more, which gave Mac some hope that he wasn't actually looking for a serious relationship.

Around the same time the feeling of loneliness was starting to get to her more than usual. Every night she went home alone, and especially on the days Will was on a date she was torturing herself, cursing her past actions and imagining what he was doing.

She could see that Will's behaviour made sense to himself, well, except that he opted to date women who could be his daughters. They had finally both agreed on an armistice at work to be able to do the show they wanted to do, so this was the only way he had to make clear that he hadn't forgiven her. and that they had no future. Still, it hurt. _Of course_ it hurt, after all she had never stopped loving him.

Finally, after an especially bad night, she went to see Sloan in her office.

Over the past weeks her friend hadn't stopped telling her to join the dating circus herself and had even offered to set her up, so now Mac was standing in her doorway and took a deep breath. „I'm ready."

„Ready for what?" Sloan looked confused, her computer glasses dangling low on her nose.

„Ready to go out. I just don't know with whom, it's not like I met anybody who is not connected to the show in one way or the other since I came back to New York."

Grinning the economist jumped up. „That is great! I'm sure I can think of somebody, let's see..." Grabbing her Blackberry she sat down on her office couch and signaled for Mac to join her while she already scrolled through her phone book. „How about... ? Nuuuh, not your type... Barry. Most boring date I have ever been on... I don't even know why I saved his number. Jack? He is a professional baseball player and has the cutest ass,..." Sloan looked her over and shook her head. „...but I don't think you'd have much to talk about... Do you have any preferences? Hair, eye color, accent?"

Mac groaned. „Sloan! I don't want to get married! I just want to go out, to not sit at home alone for a change and think about..."

„Think about what? Will and his latest bimbo?" Suddenly Sloan got excited. „Wait, I have the exactly right guy for that. Will will be jealous from head to toe when he sees you two together!"

„He is not going to see..." Mac started to protest, but Sloan didn't even listen.

„Wade Campbell, good looking, smart, funny... He works for the DA's office and is a dark version of Will. Not quite as tall, but still..."

Mac frowned. „If he is such a catch, why didn't it work out with you?"

„Oh, I have never dated him. He came to one of my lectures to ask some questions; he deals with white collar crime."

Still her friend hesitated. „Do you really think I should...?"

„Definitely, you need to get out. I'll set something up for you, okay?"

Nodding Mac slowly got up to leave the office, already beginning to regret laying her fate in Sloan's hands.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The following weekend Mac found herself at the opening of the latest exhibit at the MoMa titled _'Contemporary Art from the Collection'_.

Sloan had made good on her promise and Wade had called her a couple days after their conversation to set up the date. They had chatted for a short while on the phone and as advertised he seemed to be a nice guy, so Mac felt a lot more relaxed than anticipated when the day of the opening had come.

On Saturday night Wade picked her up at home, appreciatively looking up and down her slim figure in a new black dress she had bought at Sloan's insistence when they had gone shopping during an extended lunch break. „Wow... Sloan definitely didn't promise too much, you look wonderful, MacKenzie."

„Thank you." She blushed a little but smiled. She knew the dress hugged her curves in all the right places as well as drawing attention to her well-shaped legs, and she had to admit that his attention felt good. „But please call me Mac."

„Mac." Wade confirmed with a nod of his head and returned her smile. „Are you ready to go?"

„Of course, let me just get my purse." Grabbing the clutch Mac took her keys from the bowl on the entry table and closed the apartment door behind them. Wade had his cab waiting and courteously helped her into the back seat.

On the way the did some small talk typical for a first date. the weather, had they been to the MoMa before, what were their favourite artists and the likes. Once there they were greeted by a museum staff member who provided them with an glossy booklet on the exhibition and a glass of champagne.

Strolling through the room the first fixture that caught their eye was a sixty foot-long screenprint based on newspaper clippings called „Currents" by Robert Rauschenberg.

Created in 1970 it immediately led Mac to compare news headlines from back then to those from the present. She entered in a lively discussion with Wade about newsworthiness, who indulged her with a slightly amused smile but didn't hold back with his own opinions.

After a while Wade snatched another couple of glasses of champagne from a passing waiter, and their conversation moved to other topics like their jobs and families while slowly moving through the rooms. When they turned around a corner Mac's heart suddenly missed a beat when she noticed a tall, blonde person amidst a small group that was turning its back to her. She would recognize Will anywhere, even from behind, but what the fuck was he doing here? He hadn't told her that he would... As soon as this thought creeped into her mind she discarded it. They didn't talk about their private lifes anymore, so why would he have mentioned that he had an invitation to this opening?

Mac was seriously considering to ignore his presence, but she knew it would only be awkward if she didn't greet him and they ran into each other later. „Wade, I didn't even know he would be here, but over there is Will McAvoy, my anchor at „Newsnight". Do you mind if we say hello?"

„Of course not." Being steered over to the group by Wade she tried to calm her nerves. She had wanted to get out to forget about Will and his escorts, and now she had to face them on her own date, not even being sure if she was ready for him to know that she was going out as well.

When they reached the group Wade politely stayed half a step behind, forcing her to draw his attention to them by clearing her throat. When Will turned around he seemed to freeze for a moment, but then appearantly remembered where they were. „MacKenzie, what a surprise. I didn't expect to see you here." Then he noticed the man standing behind her and frowned. „Oh, I'm sorry, we haven't met."

Mac slightly blushed. „Will, this is Wade Campbell from the District Attorney's Office. Wade, this is Will McAvoy."

The tow men shook hands and looked each other over for a little longer than Mac felt was necessary, but before she could say anything to interrupt this display of machoism she noticed a young woman peeking around Will's shoulder, possessively sliding her arm around him. After a second she smiled and stretched out her hand. „I am sorry, my name is MacKenzie McHale."

„Oh, I am Sabrina, but everybody calls me Brina." Her voice sounded like Mac had always imagined her Barbie dolls - regular presents of her aunt, who could never understand that her little niece wasn't interested in them - would speak like, and her outfit underlined this assumption. She was a gorgeous blonde with long legs, big eyes and a boob job wearing a glittery sequin dress that fit her slim body like a second skin.

Their interaction snapped Will out of scrutinizing Wade. „Mac, this is Brina. She is a a swimsuit model and recently had a cover on Sports Illustrated."

„Impressive." Mac swallowed hard. „Congratulations... Brina."

„Oh, _thank you!_ I was so excited when my agent told me that the great _Will McAvoy_ wanted to go out with me! Of course I said _yes_ , I mean, look at him, isn't he just _gorgeous_?" Brina gave Will an adoring look and linked her arm with his, while Mac cringed inside at her impressionability and naivité.

„Well, yeah." Clearing her throat the only thing Mac wanted right now was to to leave this party, but she had to settle for the next best thing. „Well, Wade and I haven't seen all the art yet, so please enjoy your evening. Nice to meet you, Brina."

Will looked at her before turning his attention to her date again, his hand on Brina's arm. „Wade."

„Will." With a nod Wade lead Mac away to the other side of the room. „Well, that was a little awkward. Is there anything I should know?"

„What? No, no, of course not." Mac forced a smile on her face. She couldn't let him know how much seeing Will in action had rattled her. „Will just seems to go through a phase where... Well, let's just say that I think his dates are not good for his image as a serious news anchor."

Wade laughed. „Are you kidding me? Look at her! He's the envy of every man in this room!" A second too late he realized what he had just said and hastily added „Except me, of course."

Rolling her eyes Mac shook her head. „Of course. Better change the subject, shall we?"

Jumping at the opportunity Wade concentrated on the pictures on the walls and Mac relaxed again. A while later he went back to asking her about work: How did they plan a show from scratch? How did they decide which news to cover? How much research went into a segment? How long was her work day?

Then, after a whole string of questions like that, he almost too casually asked Mac how they chose the expert commentators and legal analysts for specific topics, and suddenly she had the feeling that he had worked himself up to this question the whole time. Her eyes got almost unnoticeably bigger with suspicion and she caught her lower lip with her teeth for a moment, before she started to broadly answer his question.

Just when Wade wanted to follow up on it Mac startled when she felt a hand on her upper arm and turned around.

Will was standing next to her and she could feel his barely concealed anger radiating off him. „Come with me."

After a look at his face she apologized to Wade and quickly followed Will into a small alcove on the other side of the room, so as to not create a scene in front of all the other people.

„What is it, Will? You are being rude!"

„ _What is it_? What do you think you are doing?" Will almost hissed the words, keeping his voice down just like she did before.

„I was talking to Wade. What do you _think_ I was doing?"

„You weren't talking, you were flirting!" He sounded outraged and if this hadn't carried the possibility of a major public embarrassment Mac would have laughed.

„I wasn't flirting."

„Don't pretend you don't know what I mean." Will pressed the words out through gritted teeth, this time with more difficulty to keep his voice down. „Remember, I know your moves."

„ _My moves?"_ Now Mac did laugh, but then bit her lip to suppress it while first signs of worry began to show in her eyes „What the fuck are you talking about?"

„This!" Will gestured at her. „Big eyes, biting your lip, tilting your head, _that's_ flirting!"

„Will..." Mac sighed. „For fuck's sake, I am on a _date_. So even if I was, what do you care when you are babysitting this twenty-something cheerleading brain surgeon model?"

Shit, she had said too much. She had no intention of letting Will know how much the string of women he brought to the newsroom was bothering her, so she turned around to walk back to the party, when she felt his hand on her arm once more.

Will didn't know what to say although his thoughts were racing. He wasn't ready to admit to himself why Mac showing up with a date bothered him so much, but he knew that he couldn't just let her walk away. When he noticed that her lower lip was again caught between her teeth something within his brain snapped. He took a step towards her, pushed her back against the wall and his mouth crashed down onto hers.

Mac froze for a second before her body took over and instinctively responded to the kiss. She pulled him closer by the lapels of his tux and their tongues fought this one fight they never seemed to be able to have with words. There was anger on both sides, frustration and a hint of desperation, but then the subliminal attraction that was always there got the better of them.

The fury started to die down and sighing into his mouth Mac melted into Will, while he let one hand run down to cup her ass and the other one framed her cheek. In the same extend that the battle between them subsided, their desire grew higher and higher. A groan escaped Will while he pulled her closer, and this sound brought Mac back to reality for a split second, just long enough to realize what they were doing, and with almost herculean strength she broke the kiss and pushed him away.

Panting hard she looked into Will's dazed eyes. _„Fuck you!"_

Short of slapping him in the face she walked away, leaving him to think about what had just happened.

Turning back around the corner to the main room she saw that Wade was talking to another couple and quickly diverged towards the restroom where she took in her face, flushed from arousal and embarrassment, lips slightly swollen and a look of confusion in her eyes.

She braced herself on the sink and looked down, trying to compose herself., still breathing hard. She had no idea what had gotten into Will, but she could tell that the kiss had been born out of the desire to prove something, not because he had finally given in to the pull between them.

 _Fuck him!_ He had no right to act like he owned her!  
 _He_ was the one keeping her at arm's length, and he could not just simply kiss her without having forgiven her, knowing that it couldn't lead to anything! And she would tell him exactly that!

Taking a few deep breaths she looked up and then reached for her purse to redo her make-up. When she was satisfied with her efforts she went back to the party, carefully avoiding Will who had returned to his companion for the night, and stepped up to Wade. With an apologetic smile she linked arms with him and asked him to introduce her to the middle-aged couple he was talking to. Although she wanted nothing more than to go home, she was not prepared to give Will the satisfaction of seeing how shaken she was by his kiss.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Will's eyes had followed Mac when she left him and for a moment he looked like a drowned rat, but then he shook his head and rubbed his face hard, angry at himself. What the fuck had come over him? How could he just have grabbed and kissed her? Why would he even _want_ to do that?

The moment he asked him self this last question he knew he was fooling himself. Nobody had ever been able to rile him up and arouse him like MacKenzie. Certain that this would never change he admitted to himself that the kiss had felt unbelievably good, but what was he supposed to do now?

Okay, right now he had to go back to Brina, but then?

He took a deep breath. One step at a time. Let's get the evening over with and then go on from there.

Exhaling slowly he stepped around the corner again and joined Brina, who excitedly introduced him to some reality TV star he had never heard of. He indulged her with a few minutes of small talk, but when he saw Mac returning to her date he clenched his teeth. He couldn't stand here and watch her with another man, he knew that much, so he pretended that his phone was vibrating in his pocket and quickly accepted a fake call. After saying a few random words he 'hung up' and touched Brina's arm, interrupting her conversation.

„Brina, I am so sorry, something has come up and I will have to leave."

Turning to him with large eyes she breathed „ _Really_? What happened? A terrorist attack?"

„Nothing of that kind, just something I have to take care of. Will you let me take you home?"

„Oh." Now she actually pouted before she seemingly had an idea and her eyes lit up.. „Maybe I could come with you?"

When she seductively let her finger run down his arm and let her tongue run over her upper lip, promising a certain end of the night, Will shook his head and took a step back. „I'm sorry, but that won't be possible. Maybe another time."

She pouted even more at these words, clearly not used to being turned down, and by now Will was not only irritated but starting to get annoyed with her, though he tried to not openly show it. „Come, let's get your coat."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Fourty-five minutes later he had dropped a sulking Brina off at her place, not without some more hands-on tries to persuade him otherwise, and arrived at Mac's place. There was no way that he could let the kiss just stand like that, he knew that he had made a bad mistake and they needed to talk about it.

However, when he rang the bell she did not answer, so she still had to be at the museum. Will decided to rather not think about the possibility that Mac could have gone home with Wade and leaned against the wall of the building, a few yards away from the entrance.

It was a warm summer night, so he didn't have to worry about getting cold or catching something, and while he waited he recalled the evening.

He had definitely not expected to see Mac, that was for sure. He hadn't heard anything at the office that would have suggested that she would attend the opening.

The bigger surprise, though, had been that she was on a date with another man. A good looking man who was quite a lot younger than himself, as he had to admit. And he had found that he didn't like it, he _really_ didn't like it. Still, that didn't warrant him grabbing and kissing her; he was not that kind of guy. He never had been and never would be, but in that moment something inside him had boiled over, and he didn't even think about what he was doing.

And this kiss had been... _wow_!  
The sizzling energy between them, the passion, her instinctive reaction to him.. Right now he didn't even know why he ever tried to get over Mac by dating other women.

This thought led him back to a conversation he'd had with Charlie a few weeks earlier after another fight with Mac at the office. When his friend had asked him why he was dating so many different women, bringing them to the Newsroom in the process, Will had shut him down by asking why he shouldn't date to maybe finally find the right one.

He could still hear the snort Charlie had let out at this question, disapproving and a little amused, and now he knew that he had been right.

Why had he been kidding himself?  
He knew perfection and its name was McKenzie McHale.

He had to face it, there was no one else for him but her, so now he had the choice to either spend the rest of his life alone or maybe try to understand what happened back then...

It wasn't really a question, was it?

He needed to talk to Mac.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Will waited patiently, trying to fight his nervousness. After all, he didn't even now if she would let him speak after what he had done.

More than an hour later he saw a cab slowing down when it approached the building and Mac and Wade got out and walked to the door. Will was relieved that the cab was waiting and saw them exchange a few words before Wade kissed Mac on both cheeks and went back to the cab.

As it was driving off Mac got her keys out of the purse, and Will used the chance to step out of the shadows. „Well, didn't that look nice..."

Mac startled at his voice and whipped around. „What are you doing here?"

„Waiting for you." He shrugged. „You took your time."

„Yeah, well... I was enjoying myself. Where is _Brina_...?" She almost spat out the name. „...Is your driver waiting around the corner with her in the car?"

Will slowly closed in on Mac until he was standing right in front of her. „No, I took her home before I came here. She's... It was a publicity thing our agents worked out. Mac... We need to talk."

She did not answer immediately, not knowing what he was up to, but then she asked „Why did you take off without saying goodbye?"

„Seriously? That's what you're...?"

He sounded exasperated and for or a moment Mac thought that Will would shut her up with another kiss, but then he just shook his head and quietly spoke. „I am sorry about... before. I... I shouldn't have done that..."

Mac swallowed at the memory.. „No, you shouldn't have. What the fuck were you thinking?"

Will's face took on a sheepish expression. „I... I didn't... When I saw..." He took a deep breath. „I was jealous, okay? I didn't like seeing you with somebody else. If that makes me seem petty, so be it. I just didn't like it."

 _Will had been jealous?_ Mac felt a tingling sensation in the pit of her stomach, but tried not to let it show. „You've made it abundantly clear that you don't want to have anything to do with me aside from work. You surely don't expect me to live like a nun, do you?"

„I guess I hadn't even thought about it before. It's just... When I saw you at the museum with that guy, in this dress, I just... And I think I don't want to feel that... I did a lot of thinking while I was waiting for you, and I don't want to live in the past anymore."

Mac's eyes widened, but she remained cautious. „What are you saying, Will?"

Carefully reaching for a strand of her hair that was dancing in the wind he tucked it behind her ear, causing a shiver to run down Mac's back. „Somebody once said that every day we have is a gift, that's why it's called present. And I know that _our_ present could be so good, if I'd just..." His voice trailed off and he gave her a hopeful look.

Mac didn't know what to say and for a moment they just stood there. She had no idea what was happening and where he wanted this to go, but she knew that she could not just fall into his arms. „How can I trust what you are saying? What would keep you from turning back into the exact same guy that you have been for the last months?"

Will was quiet for a moment, but then he smiled. „Do you remember what I said when I was asked what makes America the greatest country on earth at Northwestern?"

„It's not..." Mac whispered with wide eyes; fully aware that he still didn't know that she had been there that day.

„...but it can be." He finished the sentence with a firm voice. „Don't give up on me, Mac."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The three things were:

\- June  
\- Will taking his frustration out on one or more of the staff  
\- A museum

Who got them?

Information on the actual 2010 MoMA exhibition „Contemporary Art from the Collection":  
www .moma calendar /exhibitions /1073? #installation-images  
(without the spaces)


	2. Un-Break My Heart

**Un-Break My Heart**

„ _Don't give up on me, Mac."_

Will looked into Mac's surprised eyes while his last words still hung in the air. Finally he gave her a last, somehow sad smile, turned around and started to walk away. Mac watched his back, still not understanding what was going on, but when he had taken about ten steps she called after him.

„Wait!"

Will stopped to look back and saw Mac nervously biting her lip, ignoring curious stares of a passerby whose attention she had attracted with her call as well. „If... if you want to, we can talk now. You could come upstairs."

Will hadn't expected that and hesitated for a moment, but then he nodded. „Okay..."

He stepped up behind Mac while she opened the door, and they rode the elevator up to her floor in silence. When they entered her apartment she gestured towards the living room. „Take a seat, I will change into something more comfortable."

Will had never visited Mac before and used the opportunity to look around, not surprised to find books and magazines everywhere, pictures of her family, a ruffled blanket on the couch and a sweater thrown over the back of a chair. He was immediately thrown back to the time they had lived together. Drawing comparisons he had to admit that these little things made her apartment so much more comfortable than his own, and he realized that he missed the familiar chaos that had once been part of his life.

He was still studying the photographs lined up on a shelf when Mac returned, wearing a well-worn pair of jeans and a t-shirt. „Would you like a drink?"

„No, thank you." Not turning around he pointed at one of the pictures. „I didn't know that Michael has kids now."

„Yeah, he and Sheila got married about three years ago when she was five months pregnant. Helen will be three in a couple of months and Max has just turned one."

Will could hear the smile in her voice and looked at her. „That's great... Your family... They are doing alright?"

Mac just nodded and went over to the couch, leaving it up to him if he would join her. Instead he opted to stay standing and went over to the floor-to-ceiling window. „Nice view."

Sighing at his casual small talk Mac decided that she probably had to take the first step. „Will, I didn't ask you up here to talk about... You can't just _kiss_ me."

„I know."

„I mean, you _can't_ just..."

Will didn't let her finish. „Mac, I _know_. I'm sorry and it won't happen again."

„Okay." Though Mac was satisfied with his answer she felt a tinge of disappointment, but then she shook her head at herself. What did she expect? That he would declare his undying love, kiss her again and everything would be okay?

„So, what _can be_ , Will?" Mac's voice was tentative when she referred to the words he had used outside, as if she wasn't sure she really wanted to know.

„Jeez, Mac," Will sighed. „Cutting right to the chase?"

„It's late, you wanted to talk and I... I'm confused, Will. You've been sending out quite a lot of mixed signals tonight."

„Yeah... I guess... „Taking another breath he went on. „Look, Mac, I said I'm sorry and I meant it, but..."

„You're not ready." Mac finished his sentence for him when he didn't continue, but couldn't let go and repeated the words spoken on the street. „ _It's not, but it's can be..._ Does that mean, you haven't forgiven me _yet_ , but some day you might?"

He sighed. „I don't know... maybe 'some day' isn't too far from now. I didn't expect to feel what I felt tonight, so that has to mean something, right?"

„What _did_ you feel, Will?" She needed to hear it again.

„I've told you, I was jealous. Seeing you with this guy..."

„Wade. His name is Wade."

„Wade." Will shrugged. „Seeing you with him... It just didn't feel right..."

Mac sighed. „You didn't _really_ expect me to just be home alone every night, did you?"

Giving her a sheepish look Will finally sat down on the couch, but left a little space between them. „I'm sorry. I know I don't have any right to expect that."

When he didn't go on Mac nervously ran her hand through her hair and quietly admitted „I was also jealous. Not just Brina, all the others as well... It hurt to see you with them, but then... I told myself that maybe... That if you didn't have any feelings for me anymore, you wouldn't need to show off your dates in front of me; you would just go about your life..."

Will remained quiet for a moment before he hesitantly answered. „Maybe you're right..."

„So..." Mac bit her lip, trying not to let him see the hint of hope she suddenly felt. „...The question would be...What is it you feel? Hate or disdain or anger... or all of the above or... maybe... something else?"

Quickly grabbing her hand he squeezed it until she looked at him again. „Never hate, Mac, never. Nor disdain. And I don't think it was real anger either, at least not since you've come back. I just wanted you to feel how I felt when you told me..."

Looking down at her fingers Mac quietly whispered. „I know that I did a terrible thing, Will, and believe me, I couldn't feel any worse about it."

„Then why? _Why_ , Mac?" Will blurted it out, not able to stop himself. „I thought we had something good. I thought that was _it_. _Why the fuck did you do it?_ "

Her eyes filled with tears, but she forced them back. „Oh Billy, believe me, if I could change what I did I would in a heartbeat. We... You and I had just met and only saw each other only sporadically outside of work, not every night. Sometimes we didn't go out for a week. I _knew_ you were interested in me, but I didn't know how serious you were about us. And I had told you that I had just come out of a bad relationship.  
All through my time with Brian I was convinced that I loved him. Why else would I have put up with all his shit, waiting for a smile or a friendly word? Only when I met you I started to wake up and see what love really is, but the simple fact is that it took me a while.

And yes, I _knew_ Brian was bad for me, but he still had some kind of hold over me. I think... I had put so much work into our relationship, tried again and again to make it work, that I just couldn't accept that it was over. So when he called I went back and thought you were the perfect way to make him jealous..."

Mac looked up and gave Will a wary, insecure smile.

„Do I hate myself for it? Of course I do, but I can't change what happened. Once I realized how stupid I had been I told Brian to go fuck himself and never saw him again... You were everything I ever wanted in a man, and I had fallen in love with you – and I'm talking real love, not being grateful for a crumb of kindness... I'm sorry I didn't know immerdiately, but once I _did_ it has always been you. Always!"

Will held her gaze and tried to digest what she had just told him. „I wanted to give you time and not overwhelm you, especially because I knew about what you had been through before, so I decided to take it slow..."

Her face clearly showed her regret and instinctively she moved her hand towards his, but drew back in the last moment, not having the courage to touch him. „Yeah...In hindsight I can see that and I wish you hadn't held back, but on the other hand: Who knows? Maybe I would have run for the hills if you had acted differently. Maybe it had just been too early, and I shouldn't have gone out with you so soon after the break-up... All I know is that I am so so sorry and that I'd give _anything_ to be able to change it..."

Mac gave Will a careful, but hopeful look. This conversation was already going much further than she had expected, and if she could only convince him that there was nothing she regretted more in her life... But he leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes, running his hand over his face. After a few minutes during which she didn't dare to say a word, he finally spoke.

„Why didn't you ever say anything?"

„Why didn't you read my e-mails?" Mac retorted. „You threw me out, remember? You never gave me the chance to explain; e-mails and voicemail messages were the only way I had to do that."

„Yeah..." Will sighed. That was on him. „But what I don't understand... How did you justify fucking Brian while you were sleeping with me at the same time?"

Mac sighed. She had asked herself the exact same question so often, but she had never found the one answer that completely satisfied her. Now she needed to be brutally honest. „I... At the beginning it was a combination of making myself feel better about myself, to get back my self-esteem by proving that I was still attractive, and getting back at Brian. To show him that somebody else wanted me, even if _he_ didn't. I told myself that we had never talked about being exclusive, and in the beginning it was working, but then I started to hate myself for what I was doing to you. You are such a good guy and you didn't deserve it..."

Will opeend his eyes and Mac could see the hurt in them, but forced herself to go on. „The last time I saw him I finally realized that I didn't even know what I was doing. You were so wonderful and I didn't even _want_ him back anymore, so why the fuck didn't I just say no when he called? I knew that I had fallen in love with _you_ and that was it. From then on I never looked back until we were getting so serious that I just couldn't hold it back anymore. I felt that I would need to tell you if we wanted to go forward, and when I did..."

She didn't continue and a tear ran down her cheek, while Will got up and moved to look out of the window. He needed to take in what she had said and couldn't let himself be distracted by the sight of her. After a long silence he slowly spoke.

„When you told me I felt like you had pulled the rug out from under my feet. Everything I had believed in was just... gone. I was so hurt and couldn't even think straight. All I knew was that I couldn't stand to look at you, and then... when you were gone I felt betrayed, but at the same time so empty and lonely and..."

Suddenly he turned around and walked back to the couch to sit down. „I'd told myself I was doing fine, but I didn't; I just existed and the audience's affection was the only thing that was keeping me sane. Until I thought I saw you holding up cue cards, producing me... That changed everything."

Mac's heart broke for him again, but then a hopeful smile appeared on her face. „Will, you need to know... I was there. At Northwestern." Will's jaw dropped. „I wrote the words and showed them to you."

„You... _you were there_?" He disbelievingly stared at her. „It _was_ you?"

„Yah."

„It was _you._ "

„Yah." Mac nodded and looked at him expectantly, biting her lip when she realized that he was speechless. „Jjust say what you're feeling..."

Will still just gaped at her but then took a deep breath. When he lifted his hands as if he wanted to frame her face, for a teensy, hopeful moment she thought that he was about to kiss her, but suddenly he shouted. „Why the _fuck_ didn't you tell me?"

So much for him melting at her admission. „I was waiting for the right time!"

„Three months ago was the right time! It was _you_!"

„No!" Mac tuned down and continued in all seriousness. „As you just said, I was just producing. It was you, Billy, _you_ wanted to do it."

This shut him up and only after a long silence Will managed a whisper. „You've believed in me all this time?"

Mac smiled. „I have never stopped, Billy."

Again Will only looked at her, a myriad of feelings running through him that were warming his insides. Maybe he was already further down the road of foregiveness than he had thought just a few minutes ago, but something inside him didn't let him pursue this further just yet, and he tried to change the subject. „So... How did you and Wade meet?"

Mac blushed a little, but then shrugged. „Sloan set us up... He wants to see me again."

„And?"

Now she looked almost shy. „I don't know. I... I guess that doesn't only depend on me...?"

„What are you saying, Mac?"

She sighed. „Do I really have to spell it out for you?"

„I need to hear it, Mac..." Will's voice was quiet, a little desperate and vulnerable, and Mac had to force down the lump that was forming in her throat. She carefully took his hand into hers and looked at him with a tear glistening in the corner of her eye.

„Just like I've never stopped believing in you, I've never stopped loving you. I'm _in love_ with you, Billy, and that will never change."

Will's eyes grew imperceptibly bigger and he opened his mouth, but no words came out. After several tries he realized that he wasn't able to form any words, and to Mac's surprise he freed his hand and simply pulled her into his arms.

Her breath hitched, but she didn't hesitate to let her arms glide around his waist and pressed herself against him, her head resting on his shoulder. Finally she was back in his arms and for the first time in over three years she felt safe. Being enveloped in his arms had always had this effect on her and despite hoping, up until right this moment she hadn't been sure she would ever experience it again.

Taking a deep breath she continued. „I can't go on like this, Will. Seeing you with all these women... I'm lonely and... and I miss you... I miss _us_!"

Will instinctively tightened his grip on her, and for a long time neither of them moved, but finally he whispered. „I... I love you, too."

„Billy!" A sob escaped Mac and finally a tear made it's way down her cheek to be absorbed by his dress shirt. This evening had taken a turn she wouldn't have dared to dream of before. She had feared that him having seen her with Wade would result in even more anger and fighting, but instead she found herself in his arms and still could hardly believe it

After a long time during which neither of them moved, Mac suddenly felt Will's lips on her neck. He wasn't actually kissing her, but lightly moved them over her skin while his hand ran through her hair. With a sigh she allowed herself to indulge in this feeling for a moment, but then she leaned back to bring some distance between them.

„Will, this is..." She stopped when she saw his eyes, giving her a look she hadn't seen in years and that got her all tingly inside. „What are you thinking, Billy?"

„I think... I think that I have been an absolute idiot to not admit what I have known all along..."

„And..." Mac swallowed. „And what would that be?"

Will smiled a little sheepishly. „That you're the you've always been the one, but all this time I've been trying to deny it even to myself." He lifted his hand and softly ran one finger down her cheek. „I'm not prepared to do that anymore."

„Will?" Mac's voice almost sounded like a miserable wail, as she was still trying to fight down the fire of hope that was brightly burning inside her by now.

„I mean what I am saying, Honey..." He realized that Mac was trying to digest everything that had happened and his voice was soft.

„But... But what about... what I did?"

Will saw the sorrow and deep regret in Mac's eyes and his own darkened a little at the memory, but he took a deep breath to reassure her. „It fucking hurt, Mac, you know that... We will have to talk more about why it happened, but in the end I can either hang on to everything or move on." He cupped her cheek. „And as I want to be with you, there is only one choice..."

Mac chewed on her bottom lip, not believing that it could be so easy. „You can't just _decide_ to forget, Billy. It doesn't work like that."

He shook his head. „No, but I can decide to forgive you, which I realized I have, and forgetting will happen over time. As long as from now on it's just us...?"

Not knowing what to say she just looked at him with large eyes and slowly nodded. Then she finally was able to process the meaning of what he had just said, and she suddenly intensified her nodding. „Yes... Yes, Billy! That's all I ever wanted; I love you and there's never going to be anybody else. It's _you_! It's always been you!"

Will's eyes softened again and all he could do was give her a relieved smile while holding her gaze. She mirrored his smile, hers getting wider by the minute until it reached her eyes and she was beaming.

There it was, the smile he hadn't seen once since her return and that he had missed so much. The smile that made him feel so special when directed at him, making him believe he was invincible and able to take on the whole world.

Not moving his eyes he searched for her hand and squeezed it hard, not letting go again. Mac shared his feelings and just like him she was overwhelmed, but after a long time of just looking at each other her smile changed from complete bliss to coy.

„Well, aren't you going to kiss me?"

„You told me I shouldn't do that anymore." Will's corner of his mouth twitched while he tried to hide his smile.

„You are an idiot, you know that?" Mac rolled her eyes and moved closer.

Now he openly grinned. „Just a simple idiot this time? No moron wrapped around it?"

Determinedly she pulled him closer by his lapels. „Shut it."

* * *

Chapter title: "Un-Break My Heart" from Toni Paxton


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